Life is weird. Well, the way we see life is weird. I've been working so, so hard at 'keeping busy' so I don't think about Jay all the time that I've exhausted myself. I was going out all the time, into Seoul 1, 2, even 3 times a week, hiking, crafting, always busy so I didn't have to think about how busy he was and how not-busy and pathetic I was in comparison. How is someone who has a 20-23 hour work week supposed to deal with someone who works an 70-80 hour work week? (I'm estimating on that one). It's not even the difference that gets me. It's not that I don't get to see him. It's not that contact for the past two weeks has been minimal. It's that I care so darn much. I don't want to care or hurt. So, I kept really busy.
When I was busy I was happy. My horizon felt so big. But, because I've been sick and exhausted I've had to stay home and do 'nothing' for a few days. It feels like my life has shrunken down to a pin hole. And I'm in the hole. And the pin is poking me.
Ok, it's not that bad :) I signed up to go on a food meetup on Sunday afternoon, and made a fun, fun gyno appointment for Monday, so I feel as though things have opened up a little.
Blegh. I'm having pancakes for dinner. That should fix things!
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